Subject: ESR's intimidatingly huge turd list
Date: Monday 20th January 2014 03:22:41 UTC (over 3 years ago)
In order not to lose track of things, I just put together a list of my past turds related to gut transition, butt cleanup, and TP. 11/12/2013: Tried 45 minutes grunting for something the size and shape of a tennis ball. Did not try it to see if it bounced. Blood in the TP. Roughly 2.6" diameter. 11/20/2013: Rolling dump from last night's hot dogs and creamed corn. Smelled like anchovies for some reason. Haven't eaten anchovies in two weeks. WTF? 11" x 2.25" 11/30/2013: One day after Thanksgiving dinner. I was stuffed like a turkey. Unchewed lima beans, corn kernels present. 15" x 2.1" 12/02/2013: Likely from all the popcorn and hummus yesterday. Felt like I was passing mashed potatoes mixed with crushed eggshells. I should chew more. Light brown, smelled like Elmer's School Paste with a hint of garlic. 12" x 2" 12/12/2013: Loved the zhuxiegao I ordered the other day. Pork blood turns purple in your poop. Smelled like a women's restroom. 9" x 1.75" 12/17/2013: A semi-solid mess from a large dinner of clams and pasta in olive oil sauce. Smelled like old seafood in a hot dumpster. Black and brown. 8" x 1.5" 12/24/2013: X marks the spot! Crapped identical twin turds in anticipation of Christmas. Long, light brown, smelled like regular old poop. Probably from the entire loaf of French bread I had the other day. 10" x 2" 12/26/2013: Oh my god. This one smelled, felt, and looked like a greased pig. Doubtless from my Christmas ham. Huge floater, thought it might jump out. 13" x 2.4" 01/01/2013: Reeks like rotten cabbage from last night's sauerkraut. The thing was literally the same size and shape as a Colt M1991A Officer's Model. Wouldn't go down, was in so much pain I threw the fucker out the window. Happy new year!